Monthly Archives: January 2010

Finding Peace in Homeschooling

I love home-schooling as anyone who has talked to me knows.  The experience has been equal parts totally awesome and anxiety inducing.  I have wrestled over the last 4 years with feelings of inadequacy and fear of failing.  The lessons from the conference and the current lessons have begun to do what I never thought possible.  I am beginning to be set free from the constant nagging worry that what I’m doing as a teacher is not good enough.  The Faith-Rest Drill is my friend, one that I had not spent much time with when it came to homeschool, I felt that it was all MY responsibility so I had to trust in myself (which of course is just plain idiotic).   Knowing without a doubt that God has a plan for my kids that isn’t dependent on human systems or my ability, is giving me incredible peace of mind.  God’s word is dogmatic in stating that He will accomplish everything that concerns my children and that His plans for them are complete.  I think it’s funny how it’s not the “great” revelations that set me free but the simple basic doctrines, like the Faith-Rest Drill, that set me free time and time again.  I just keep learning them and applying them  on new levels. 

School is also going really well, we took a trip to the zoo today.  The local zoo has a free day each month in the winter, so we bundled up from head to toe and had a little adventure.  My daughter became enamoured with a Radiated Tortoise, named it Slowy, and talked all the way home about how she was going to get a pet turtle when she turned 13.  Caleb has always loved animals and really liked the lizards and snakes this time.  We managed to eat lunch in the Giraffe house since they are indoors this time of year, which was nice since it was so cold outside.  I personally enjoyed the Falcon we saw, the Gorilla, the Giraffes, and my kids.  We had a great day.  Our regular days are going well too, I’ve been given some new ideas for curriculum that I’ve needed but other than that we just take it day by day.

Even with the worrying I wouldn’t give up the freedom and closeness that comes with homeschooling, not to mention that a tailored education is a huge plus.  Without the worrying, I feel very relaxed and confident about the future.  The frustration is gone which means I’m in fellowship and can focus on the Lord’s leading. 

Keep Sailing,

Mary

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2010 Tucson Bible Conference

The Tucson Bible conference was amazing.  I came home exhausted but at the same time refreshed and more relaxed than I’ve been in a long time.  I’ve tried to get a post out but one thing after another has kept me from being able to write.  I think part of the problem is the inability to sum up.  There just isn’t any way to sum it all up and I’m not sure yet how to express how the lessons from the conference have affected me.  I took some time today to listen again to the first part.  There was something life changing once again in these conference lessons and it was mostly a shift in the way I think.  I don’t know how that will affect application at this point but the change in mental attitude is always first.   I caught a glimpse of how complete in Christ I really am.  I saw how perfect my relationship with God is, right now.  I could see that He has made it perfect, that He didn’t wait for me to get it right or do something worthy of Him.  It is an unfathomable love that would go to such lengths to restore fallen creatures even knowing they wouldn’t all respond.  To understand that we are restored to what God wants, right now, that there isn’t anything left for us to do but live in that truth… it was just amazing.  It was also very freeing to know that God isn’t waiting for me to do a great work for Him, I’m to focus on His great work because it is the only work that matters.  Even the great commission isn’t about a great work that we do but sharing with others His great work.  This doesn’t mean that God doesn’t have great plans for us but once again it is His plan and His work that will accomplish it.  I have looked at my performance as not being enough, not enough prayer or application but I failed to look at His work in me as being complete.  He has never seen me as “not enough” after-all He paid an enormous price to make me perfect and complete.  As I go through the experience of having two natures this understanding has the potential to give me complete peace of mind even in great failure.  Another part of the conference that really stands out to me right now was the idea of being convinced about reconciliation and restoration.  Usually what happens is that I understand it but in the face of failing or falling on my face I am not convinced that God really is at peace with me and so it takes me a long time to get back up and go forward with peace of mind.  I can see that God is working on convincing me, that He’s really for me and wants me to live in the freedom He has purchased.

We made some new friends at the conference which was very exciting and we also got to spend time with our dearest friends which was very satisfying.  I may have more to say about it later so I’ll just keep it short today.

Keep Sailing,
Mary

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Tucson Trip

It’s time again for our annual trip to the Tucson Conference.  It has proved to be a time of fun and fellowship over the years and also challenging as well.  It’s 3 days of face-to-face Bible teaching from my Pastor Teacher Robert McLaughlin and also other pastors who work together at these conferences around the country to bring members of their congregation who live in remote places together for teaching and fellowship.  I look forward to writing about it when we return home.

Keep Sailing,

Mary

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There Are No Points For Keeping Score

I’ve been blank lately with nothing to write about but I think I may have something finally to share.

  Recently I went through a difficult experience, one that I felt was more of a test for applying doctrine more than anything else.  The most disappointing thing about it was that nothing I did or tried to apply “worked” everything seemed a failure.  I thought, surly by now I should be able to apply doctrine under pressure and when I didn’t and could barely hang on to basic fellowship, I was angry and frustrated.  I found that this attitude leads to a danger zone of give-up-itis.  You hear that there is power and the life of Christ but you have decided that it just isn’t true or isn’t possible(for you).  God didn’t provide what you wanted in the way that you wanted it or in the way you had understood it should happen and so you figure God must be wrong.  I know that sounds ludicrous but in human arrogance we really think that our understanding is the ultimate measurement of truth.  If I understand God to be saying one thing but really I’m only understanding one quarter of it, and things don’t go the way I thought they should, what do I do?  I blame God and I don’t take into consideration that I cannot possibly have it all figured out.  If I daily need to have my mind renewed because I’m daily bombarded by cosmic viewpoint and can’t think divine viewpoint without daily doctrine, how can I think that I have God’s ways all figured out?  I can’t and I’m arrogant to think that I do. 

 In Bible class tonight and last Wed we have been studying what the Bible means by “losing your life” from Mat 10:39.  I can’t say that I really grasp it yet but one aspect really stood out to me, here is a quote “Many believers don’t want to lose the old life because they continue to have confidence in it”  I came to some conclusions when I heard that, and wrote some notes, these are in rough form since I jotted them down quickly:

You value your performance life, so you are bitter that God does not accept it. 

God does not value your performance.  He values your being filled with the Spirit and taking in Doctrine, and Knowing Him intimately.

You are keeping score based on what you think it means to think doctrine, apply doctrine or follow the rules of conduct that you think are the results of spirituality. 

Because I am keeping score and evaluating God’s word based on my own standards and performance during pressure I’m not operating in faith.  It’s much simpler than I’m making it.  Be filled with the Spirit, believe the Word, get to know God and don’t keep score or try and pass the test.  I cannot offer to God my performance as an offering.  He doesn’t want it any more than He wanted Cain’s wonderful vegetables.  He is the goal I’m to be after, not a glorious self. 

How incredible is the power of God’s word to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart, to set right the thoughts of a person and bring them into relationship with God.  He is more incredible than there are words to express it. 

Keep Sailing,

Mary

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