I’ve been blank lately with nothing to write about but I think I may have something finally to share.
Recently I went through a difficult experience, one that I felt was more of a test for applying doctrine more than anything else. The most disappointing thing about it was that nothing I did or tried to apply “worked” everything seemed a failure. I thought, surly by now I should be able to apply doctrine under pressure and when I didn’t and could barely hang on to basic fellowship, I was angry and frustrated. I found that this attitude leads to a danger zone of give-up-itis. You hear that there is power and the life of Christ but you have decided that it just isn’t true or isn’t possible(for you). God didn’t provide what you wanted in the way that you wanted it or in the way you had understood it should happen and so you figure God must be wrong. I know that sounds ludicrous but in human arrogance we really think that our understanding is the ultimate measurement of truth. If I understand God to be saying one thing but really I’m only understanding one quarter of it, and things don’t go the way I thought they should, what do I do? I blame God and I don’t take into consideration that I cannot possibly have it all figured out. If I daily need to have my mind renewed because I’m daily bombarded by cosmic viewpoint and can’t think divine viewpoint without daily doctrine, how can I think that I have God’s ways all figured out? I can’t and I’m arrogant to think that I do.
In Bible class tonight and last Wed we have been studying what the Bible means by “losing your life” from Mat 10:39. I can’t say that I really grasp it yet but one aspect really stood out to me, here is a quote “Many believers don’t want to lose the old life because they continue to have confidence in it” I came to some conclusions when I heard that, and wrote some notes, these are in rough form since I jotted them down quickly:
You value your performance life, so you are bitter that God does not accept it.
God does not value your performance. He values your being filled with the Spirit and taking in Doctrine, and Knowing Him intimately.
You are keeping score based on what you think it means to think doctrine, apply doctrine or follow the rules of conduct that you think are the results of spirituality.
Because I am keeping score and evaluating God’s word based on my own standards and performance during pressure I’m not operating in faith. It’s much simpler than I’m making it. Be filled with the Spirit, believe the Word, get to know God and don’t keep score or try and pass the test. I cannot offer to God my performance as an offering. He doesn’t want it any more than He wanted Cain’s wonderful vegetables. He is the goal I’m to be after, not a glorious self.
How incredible is the power of God’s word to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart, to set right the thoughts of a person and bring them into relationship with God. He is more incredible than there are words to express it.